morning is dismal. Outside raindrops on little stretchers are being carted to raindrop-morgues, dead before they hit the street. I woke up to the annoyingly perpetual dawn-hue from my window, sunlight filtered through cloud-layer after sadistic cloud-layer.

now I'm trying to psych myself up for going to work. This is much like ten minutes ago (showers are short now...) when I was trying to get myself up out of bed... thinking the door is so close, it's not that far, and taking a shower isn't so bad for at least five, maybe ten minutes--felt more like an eternity in that half-awake, almost-dreaming state just before the snooze kicks off, and my alarm continues its auditory barrage.

I can't decide what kind of art car I'm going to turn my beat up old geo-prism into. I would like to do some kind of collage, but I'd have to use some kind of varnish, so the first rain wouldn't just wash away the whole thing. I like this idea, because I could just carry around two tubs--one of adhesive, and one of varnish--and paste up anything anytime. It'd be dense, fun to look at...

I'd better get going. I need to work on finding a way not to work.

We're living in this incredible flux. This book I read, some really dumbass science-fiction psychology focused book--Cyteen--was constantly talking about how we live in flux. How our minds are full of contradictions, and that causes us to "flux" which really just meant let our emotions control our actions. I don't think lack of thought automatically means we're acting based on our emotions. I'm not even sure the book meant this. I'm getting what the book was saying and what I'm trying to say all mixed up. It's not important about the book. It's one of those epic things that's far too long to forget. I wish it had been much shorter (like 400 pages shorter) and I'd have already forgotten all about it.

Anyway, I feel moody today. In flux. Maybe it's the moon. Maybe it's the stars. Probably it's just my weird sleep patterns that end up getting in the way of work and my schedule for the day.

I bought the new Freddy Fresh album. It's grand. Good-ole techno. Hard beats and catchy loops that go on for probably too long. It's his first american release, and I've got one of his imports (the one with the fatboy slim remix on it) and I think this is better.

I'm gonna go take a shower, and wash away the moody sleep-eye residue. Water falls different on my head now. It doesn't run down my hair. If there's anything I miss about my hair, it was the way the hot water sorta soked into it slowly, moving it's way down my back like a snake or something. Now the water is just there, instantly, and it slides off my head just as fast, heating my scalp for only so long.

I reccomend everyone go from having really long hair to shaving their head once in their life. It's like you're a new person, only you're still the same. And everyone comments about it, even people you don't talk to that often. (or, as was the case yesterday, people you never talk to--a waitress at a bar I go to two or three times a month with co-workers came up to me and made some comment.)

The response to the change so far has been very positive. I don't have any weird lumps on my head or anything. I look tougher now, I guess, and my ear-rings stick out more, which I think is good. I've always wanted to look more punk, without actually doing anything terribly darastic. OK, so I guess shaving my head is kinda darastic. Maybe. Really, I'm just affraid Yami is going to never speak to me now. (And, as predicted--not here--she hasn't really been writing me since she got back to caltech. So I wouldn't even notice a difference... not that I'm bitter. ;)

another thing that has changed is that now I have a car. It's alex's old car.

Laura played a dirty little trick on Jason by telling him that she had a new boyfriend (because when she got back, I was a new man, no hair, and a car!) anyway, he was amused when we showed up at his party together.

OK, it's been eleven days. A lot has changed. (I cut my hair.)

I don't know what finally pushed me over the edge. Maybe if I hadn't been working 13 or 14 hour days for the week before it wouldn't have happened. Laura was out of town visiting her parents in Texas. Now she's back, and things are finally settling down after a nice four day weekend. Work is far less stressful.

The site I was working on is live, and has several thousand signups already. (duh.) We just didn't get the project until a week before it was due, so that was the issue, really. That, and poor project management. (we were still getting changes from the client even as the site went live, so development was all fucked up.)